Has it ever crossed your mind that you need a manual to survive each stage of your children? Generally, when I talk to parents about their children's behavior, they agree that it would have been easier if they had been born with an instruction manual. If you have felt that way, you are not alone because it is a very common feeling among parents. Also, if you are reading me, it is because you want to improve in this area or you are interested in learning something new. On the other hand, if you are waiting for a magic answer that solves all your problems, you may not find it here, but you will find some guidelines that will help you in the survival of being a parent.
1. Basic needs
Basic needs are what we need to survive from day to day. If you asked your teenager what their basic need are, he could tell you that it would be a Wi-Fi or internet connection. However, Wi-Fi / internet is not something we need to survive like food, rest, a roof to live in and clothes. Therefore, the next time you are in a challenging family situation, ask yourself if these needs have been taken care of. From experience when I am hungry or tired it is more difficult for me to be patient and I tend to stress easily. Likewise, it is very common for children to find it challenging to cooperate when their basic needs have not been met.
2. Emotional needs
Another important aspect is how we know that our children feel loved and appreciated. The emotional connection between family members is very important for their healthy development. These connections lead to more resilient and confident children later in life. Gary Chapman in his book "The Five Love Languages " tells us that when we speak the love language of our children or partner, we can fill their feelings tank and therefore it is easier for them to listen to us because we are speaking to them in their language of love (nurture a connection). Think of it this way, if you discover the love language of your children and invest in them it will be easier to connect with them, but if on the contrary you do not know their emotional needs it will be very difficult to fill them. According to Chapman the areas where you can invest or fill their tank of love are quality time, words of affirmation, quality time, gifts, physical touch, and acts of service. In order to find out what your love language is, go to fivelovelanguages.com to take their free test!
3. Support
Who is investing in your life to help you in the parenting process? It may be that a family member with more experience adopted you in the process, or perhaps you know other couples who are at the same stage and have someone with whom to vent your emotions. This is an important area because parenting is hard work, and you need a support group to make your parenting work easier. On the other hand, it may be difficult for you to ask for help, you don't know where to start or you don't have the support you need. Regardless of your situation, you are not alone in the process if this is an area that you want to improve. Parenting can be difficult, and it's okay to ask for help from a friend, family member, religious leader, community leader, or mental health professional.
If you want to know more about me or my therapeutic services in South Carolina, you can communicate with me through my web page www.oasiscounselingassociates.com.
Yamilette Diaz
Bilingual therapist in the Upstate
(864) 772-6459
